


the sea

by Anonymous



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love, M/M, Self-Reflection, kanata rethinks his whole fucking life, poor kanata, self-indulgent fic im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28916673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Kanata wonders why he's alive, even when his special Ryusei Red is now long gone.
Relationships: Morisawa Chiaki/Shinkai Kanata
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24
Collections: Anonymous





	the sea

**Author's Note:**

> self-indulgent fanfic for my angsty chiakana heart T__T ahhhh,,, I wish I could be great at writing and expressive like other writers D: anyways enjoy!!! im not the best at writing emotional things though so don't expect much......i just needed an angsty fanfic :]

The sea.

The sea called out to him. Within the graceful night, the sea called out to Shinkai Kanata. The waters rising and falling beckoned Kanata to come back to his home. Kanata's steps echoed in the eerie quietness of the streets. The tides whispered to him, "This is your home. Come back." The waters, so silent in its tranquility, called to Kanata ever so loudly to come back. The wind howled loudly as the sea called even louder, whispering to Kanata to come back to his home.

To leave everything and go back home.

"I 'refuse'......"

At first, Kanata had refused to go back home upon meeting what ended all of his worries. The burning sun, the never-ending fire that lit up his night sky. The passionate sun shining on his sea. It was always so calming, so peaceful to be within his presence. Everytime Kanata had any worries, upon touching the fire all the snow melted off and revealed the happiness Kanata couldn't contain.

"Chiaki's 'smile' is very lovely, fufufu.....♪"

Sometimes, the sun would leave the sea though. And when this happened, the snow came back to Kanata's heart. As the sun dipped into the horizon, the night sky flooded the eyes of the sea and he clenched his heart, not knowing what the feeling was. He would call out for the burning red, desperately hoping the fire would be lit though.

"Do you 'know' where Chiaki is?"

One day, Kanata stared at the night sky, longing for the sun to rise back up. He knew it would, the sun came back everyday. However, he was excited whenever it did. He was like a child waiting for the new episode of a tokusatsu series to release on a Sunday morning. Today, he was waiting at the fountain. He waited impatiently to see the rays of light that brightened Kanata's day, he waited to see the same smile he saw yesterday, and the day before.

But the sun never rose up.

Lately, his days have been dark. Empty. Cold. No matter how long he longs for the same warm arms to hold him close, he is aware those same arms will never hold him again. The same arms he took for granted. There will no longer be the warm fire to melt the snow, and the night sky will persist until the end of time.

"Chiaki....."

Kanata misses the days where they would be alone at the beach, hand in hand. No longer how much the ocean called to him, his Ryusei Red would be there to fend off all the whispers. They would look at the sea, the sea that blended in perfectly with the bright blue sky. Sometimes, Kanata would be lying down on Chiaki's lap, and Chiaki would ruffle the blue hair and squeeze his cheeks. Sometimes, they would hide under an umbrella and kiss. Kanata didn't know - and still doesn't know - why they kissed everytime but Kanata assumed it was something to do with the pounding within his heart.

"What is this feeling in my 'heart'....?"

Kanata misses Chiaki's grin. The one that washed away all of his worries, like the sea washing away the sand slowly but surely. Such a heroic grin, he could no longer see it. Chiaki would smile whenever he saw Midori willingly coming to practice, when Shinobu tried his best to cheer up the group and when Tetora did his best at practice. He even smiled at their failures, saying it's okay and practise takes time. Kanata truly admired his Ryusei Red and wanted to be like him someday.

"I love you, Chiaki...♪"

However, those memories are long gone, fading away the same way the sun did. He's forgetting about the only reason why Kanata's still here; he's forgetting his purpose of existence. His only reason to live - Chiaki Morisawa. The only one who would wipe his tears gone with purely his smile, the only one who befriended him when he was all alone, the only one who tried his best to understand Kanata. Surely if he forgot the only reason why he still lives, he should go back to his 'home', right? At least he has some sort of purpose to live at his 'home'.

And yet, Kanata shook his head and smiled at the sea, its relentless waves crashing in now halting to a stop.

Kanata has more reasons to live now, his reasons to exist right now has expanded beyond the sun. He has learnt to appreciate the scenery around him and the people he has bonded with. He can't leave his friends now, can he? The ones that has stayed with him all this time.

"I can't 'abandon' Ryuseitai, can I~♪"

Even if they aren't Chiaki, it doesn't mean that they haven't had the same impact as him. He still has a family to take care of, even if they are, admittedly, a pain to worry and care for. He still has the Marine Bio Club to manage. He still needs to teach Souma the wonders of the world. He still longs to hear Kaoru and see his smiles. He's still in contact with the Five Oddballs - even if it's now disbanded. He still has a lot to owe to Anzu for caring for him during her stay at Yumenosaki. He still has so many people who care for him, and who he cares for back. 

"Everyone still 'needs' me..."

Kanata still has the fish at the Marine Bio Club to care for. Kanata still has to fulfill Chiaki's request for him, Chiaki's request for Kanata to, "become a hero." Kanata still needs to nurture Ryuseitai into actual heroes, even though there were only 4 heroes. Kanata still needs to absorb more knowledge of the world, he still has so much more to learn about the beauties of this world.

Kanata has so much to live for before his time comes to go back 'home'

Even when Chiaki is no more, his words still live on either way, like water flowing within a stream. And so, Kanata keeps walking, ignoring his beloved sea as he walks to the same beach he once loved. The night sky is brightened again, this time with stars instead of the energetic sun.

Kanata smiles, now finally realising why he is here.

**Author's Note:**

> aughhhhh this was so bad i apologise ;;;;; im not the best at writing! im not sure if anyone enjoyed it but......there is your meal for the day i a mso sorry :(((


End file.
